Tuesday, January 2, 2018

First Kiss

               INT.  PETER'S APARTMENT

               LINDA and PETER walk into FRAME.  They arrive home from an
               evening out.  Linda is noticeably anxious.

                         I had such a good time tonight.

                         Yes.  So did I.

               Awkward pause.

                         You have a lovely apartment.

                         Not when my roommates are here.


                         Yeah but no one is here now, this
                         weekend.  They are all away.

               Another awkward pause.

                         Is it okay if I run to the bathroom
                         and freshen up.

                         It's down the hall to your left.

               Linda leaves FRAME.  Peter sits on the couch and tries to
               make himself appear casual.  When Linda walks back in, Peter
               stiffens.  Linda sits down next to him.  An awkward pause

                         You know, you invited me up to your
                         apartment, and that is quite nice
                         of you, but...

                         Oh, there's no pressure for us to
                         do anything.

                         Well, I'm a little nervous.

                         Really, I am very... harmless.  We
                         can just talk if you'd like.

                         No.  I don't want to talk.  I
                         really don't want to be a wimp
                         about this.  I have to... I have


                         OK.  OK.  Listen, I want to get
                         through the first step.  You know,
                         you have to take the first step.
                         So I will close my eyes and I want
                         you to kiss me.  On the lips.
                         Nothing too elaborate.  OK?


                         And then... well, here goes.

               Linda faces Peter with her eyes closed.  Peter moves in for a
               kiss.  As Peter gets close, Linda falls out of FRAME.  Linda
               is totally unconscious on the couch.  Peter goes wide eyed,
               trying to wrap his head around what he is seeing.


               Peter touches Linda on the shoulder.  Suddenly Linda wakes

                         Oh rats... did I just... how long
                         was I out?


                         Probably not long, right?  I mean
                         otherwise you would have called an
                         ambulance.  But I see you are still
                         on the couch.  So look I have a
                         little problem.  I fall asleep at
                         random moments, usually when I am
                         nervous.  It's called narcolepsy.
                         It can be a real bummer.
                         Like right now.  I mean I don't
                         want it to interfere with our

                         OK.  I've never known anyone...

                         Let's not talk about it.  If I talk
                         about it, it will make me angry.

                         Do you have pills...

                         Everyone wants to know if I have
                         pills.  Of course I have pills.
                         But they don't work.  And I ran out

                         Coffee.  I can make you a strong
                         cup of coffee.

                         You see, people think coffee will
                         keep me awake.  Coffee doesn't
                         work.  The pills don't work.
                         Shit... this is going to be a lousy
                         night.  I am like the worst
                         possible date you could have.

                         No.  No.  You are great.  You have
                         a little problem.  We all have

               Linda is getting near tears.

                         I feel so alone sometimes.

                         Please don't.

                         Oh shit... oh shit.

               Linda looks at Peter.

                                   LINDA (CONT'D)

               Linda falls back fast asleep again.  Peter does not know what
               to do.  A long moment.  Linda awakes.  She sits up and takes
               a deep breath, like she is trying to summon a zen state.  She
               turns and looks at Peter.  She grabs him and gives him a huge
               and somewhat long kiss.  She pulls away gently.  Peter is

                                   LINDA (CONT'D)
                         Wow.  That was great.

               Peter falls back onto the couch, unconscious.

                                   LINDA (CONT'D)
                         Peter?  Peter?

               Linda shakes Peter.  Peter opens his eyes.  He smiles.

                         I was just kidding.

               Linda does not know how to react.

                                   PETER (CONT'D)
                         I just don't want you to feel

               Peter's remark hits Linda in a soft spot, and she almost
               starts to cry again.

                         Why don't we take our clothes off
                         and get right to it then.  That
                         way, after... we can sleep

                                                          CUT TO BLACK.

                                                               THE END.


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