STEPHANIE sits on the edge of the chair, elbows on knees,
hands covering much of her face. Standing behind her or to
the side is PHOEBE. Opposite Stephanie and Phoebe is a
couch, on which lies DAVID, face down, one arm off the edge
hanging down to the floor. On the coffee table between the
couch and the chair is a plate of cookies and some textbooks
and spiral notebooks.
Phoebe is chewing bubble gum. She blows a large bubble. It
pops. On the pop, JESSIE walks in.
OK guys, what's the emergency?
We have a situation. Well,
actually, Stephanie has a
Really? This is just my situation?
You have to take some
I'm not sure how you figure that.
It was your cookie recipe.
Someone want to tell me what's
Stephanie's boyfriend on the couch
is the situation.
What about him?
It was an accident.
What was an accident?
Jessie, take a look at the prone
position of David, lying there,
motionless, immobile, static.
Stagnate, silent and inanimate as a
Except for the fact that David is
not snoring, he looks exactly like
Jessie, you fail to recognize the
gravity of the situation.
Look girls, I have a million and
one things to do today, so unless
you get to the point, I'm taking
David is dead.
Dead, as in kaput, he has kicked
the can, hung up the harness, bit
the dust, the last curtain has come
down. David has taken his last
Funny. Very funny.
Am I laughing?
Stephanie, would you please
We were studying for the History of
French Feminist Cinema exam. And
you know, I hate studying, so I
decided to bake cookies. Phoebe's
She's trying to blame me.
They are really good. You should
Phoebe points to the plate on the coffee table.
And David ate like four of them.
What are you saying?
I only had regular flour, OK. So I
made the cookies with regular
flour. Not gluten-free flour. I
mean really, who dies from a little
Gluten allergies are very serious,
Stephanie. And I think we have
clear and convincing evidence of
that lying on the couch.
Are you guys saying David is dead
because he ate your gluten cookies?
Yes. Stephanie killed her
I didn't kill my boyfriend. You
have to stop saying that.
How would you like me to say it?
Has anyone taken his pulse?
Of course not?
Why of course not?
It's a dead body. I'm not going to
touch a dead body.
It's your boyfriend's body, dead or
not. Maybe you should confirm that
Well then go check his pulse if you
I'm not checking his pulse. You do
Phoebe, Jessie has a point.
Has a point about what?
His pulse. Check it.
For chrissake, you want me to do
You put your index and middle
finger on his wrist and feel for a
I read the neck is a better
location for the pulse. Do it on
the neck Phoebe.
I am not touching him. What if he
What do you mean what if he wakes
up? That would be a good thing?
Jessie, you got an A in biology,
you do it.
I dissected frogs, not humans.
Please someone, someone do
This is ridiculous. No one dies
from gluten cookies.
Jessie walks around behind the couch on which David lies.
She reaches down and places two fingers on David's neck.
A few beats.
I haven't found it yet.
Oh my god.
Stop getting upset, I'll find it.
Like I said no one dies of gluten
Yeah... good, so Jessie, where's
OK, so there is no pulse on this
side, but let me try this side.
Jessie shifts to the other side of David's neck.
That's ridiculous. There's a pulse
on both sides of the neck.
Unless he is dead.
He's not dead. I'm telling you
he's not dead. No one dies from
A beat. A long beat. Jessie withdraws her fingers. A beat.
What else was in those cookies?
What do you mean?
Well I'm sure it wasn't the gluten
that killed him?
What are you saying? You've given
up looking for the pulse?
I'm having a little difficulty.
Like I said, Stephanie has a
We... WE have a situation. We are
all part of this.
Jessie walks back to the other side of the coffee tale.
I had nothing to do with this
Yeah, and I have a million and one
things to do today.
You guys are just fucking going to
walk away? Walk away from your
best and most loyal friend in the
universe when she is most in need.
Look, Stephanie, you caught me on a
really bad day. If it was
yesterday, I'd be all here for you.
(starts to cry)
I can't believe this. This is
going to ruin my whole life. One
Life is what happens to while
you're making other plans. That
was one of my favorite John Lennon
What song was that from?
I prefer McCartney lyrics.
Will you guys stop talking about
the Beatles. Oh my god, you guys
Oh Stephanie, for chrissake, I
wouldn't worry too much. There's
no death penalty in New York State.
And technically it's not murder.
Worst case scenario is
manslaughter. Maybe ten to fifteen
Stephanie stands and screams. Everyone freezes. Then
suddenly, David grunts and raises himself on the couch. A
long beat. Stephanie, Phoebe and Jessie freeze.
Oh man, what happened? I have some
David can barely sit up.
I told you he had a pulse. I just
couldn't locate it.
So we are all good, Steph?
Yeah, I got to run.
Love you Steph.
Yeah me too.
So we are just going to go.
Yeah, see you tomorrow.
Phoebe and Jessie leave. Stephanie just looks at David. She
smiles. David is now sitting up.
Hey, we have a lot of studying to
You got anything to eat.
Stephanie grabs the plate of cookies.
CUT TO BLACK.