Saturday, May 6, 2006

A Pregnant Britney Spears Poses In The Nude

The thin man with short blond hair and a small gold-hoop earring in his right ear sat at the large 30-inch Apple monitor. He was operating Adobe Photoshop and examining the images of Britney Spears as they were being photographed just 20 feet from where he sat. The editor of Harper’s Bazaar stood behind him.
"She looks awful," said the editor.
"She's fat," said the thin man.
"She's pregnant. Of course she's fat. I'm going to re-think having children," said the editor.
"Did you see Angelina Jolie when she was pregnant? She wasn't fat. She looked hot," said the thin man.
"Yeah, well, that was Angelina Jolie. Britney looks like an old hippo," said the editor.
"I saw the food they delivered to her dressing room. Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. And American Spirit cigarettes. That's pretty gross," said the thin man.
"She ordered cigarettes?" asked the editor.
"Well, they were on the tray," said the thin man.
"What did you just do?" asked the editor.
"I used one of the brush functions and layered it over Britney. It gets rid of all the fat and cellulite and other disgusting lose flesh. See," said the thin man.
"Can you give her a tan?" asked the editor.
"You mean like that?" said the thin man as he pressed a button, obviously ahead of the editor.
"Yeah. Yeah. Jeez, she looks absolutely beautiful now," said the editor.
"Is she going on the cover?" asked the thin man.
'I bet she is now. I don't have the final word. But I just think you got her on the cover," said the editor.
"You want me to remove the double chin?" asked the thin man.
"Oh god, you didn't do that yet. Yes. Yes. Remove the double chin," said the editor.
"You got it," said the thin man.
Britney Spears was re-posing herself based on the directions of the photographer. She was breathing heavily and moving with effort. The photographer coaxed out of her a smile here and there, trying to capture a moment of youth and spirit. Trying hard. He thought to himself that this was hard work, and he thanked god for the thin man in the back with the Mac computer and Photoshop.

1 comment:

  1. Are you paying over $5 / pack of cigs? I buy my cigs over at Duty Free Depot and I'm saving over 70%.