Saturday, April 29, 2006

Lindsay Lohan And Nicole Ritchie Talk Kabbalah

It was 4:00 am on Sunday and the music was pounding on the other side of the bathroom door that was guarded by two private security employees of the R&R Club on West 14th Street in Manhattan. Lindsay Lohan was donning a short pink dress and dark grey high heels, her hair was brown, parted in the middle, with gentle curls that ran to below her shoulders. Her legs were crossed and she was holding a pina colada as she leaned against one of the toilet stall partitions. A simple red Kabbalah bracelet was on the wrist that held her heavily spiked drink.

On her knees with her face in the toilet was Nicole Ritchie. Lindsay was looking down at Nicole's ping pong ball butt that was supported by toothpick legs. Nicole's flat shoes were hanging off her heels as she wretched into the toilet. Lindsay took a sip of her pina colada.

"You were really good on Saturday Night Live," said Nicole into the toilet bowl, which gave her remark a boomy quality.

"You finished?" asked Lindsay.

Nicole flushed the toilet and pulled her head out from the bowl and sat on the floor, her back against the steel stall partition. Her tight black dress followed the line of her pencil stick body that was not much wider than Nicole's neck. On such a slender frame, Nicole's head seemed enormous, and her eyes looked too large. She had an 18-karat solid-gold lighter in her hand that she kept flicking on and off, the small thin flame from the lighter rose and fell with each flick.

"I think it is all out," said Nicole.

"If you are going to drink, Nikki, you might as well let it stay in you," said Lindsay.

"Alcohol has lots of calories plus its poison. Can I have a cig?" said Nicole.

Lindsay pulled a pack of Marlboro Lights out of a hidden pocket on the side of her dress and flipped Nicole a cigarette. Nicole placed the Marlboro in her mouth and lit it with the gold lighter. She took a deep breath.

"I feel better now," said Nicole.

"You going to come to the Kabbalah class with me?" asked Lindsay.

"I've done the Kabbalah thing," said Nicole.

"No you haven't. You just think you have. You haven't done Kabbalah unless you have changed your behavior," said Lindsay.

"Oh, and you've changed your behavior?" said Nicole.

"Ah, yeah. I don't have my head in a toilet bowl, Nikki, now do I" said Lindsay.

"That's all I have to do to lead a Kabbalah life? Not throw up a drink when I drink too much?" said Nicole.

Lindsay got a wiff of Nicole's tobacco. She jostled out a cigarette from the pack she held in her hand and took it out with her mouth. Lindsay placed the pack of Marlboros back into her hidden dress pocket and knelt down. Nicole lit Lindsay's cigarette with her solid gold lighter. Lindsay breathed in deep and let the smoke linger in her lungs as she stood again. She removed the cigarette from her mouth and let out a plume of smoke above Nicole's head. Lindsay took another sip of her pina colada.

"The Kabbalah requires a whole new way of thinking, of living, Nikki," said Lindsay as she took another deep drag on her Marlboro.

Nicole stood up onto her stick legs and brushed off ashes that had fallen on her black dress, her cigarette dangling from her mouth. Nicole shook her hair out of her eyes. The cigarette had burned down to its filter, so Nicole dropped it into the toilet bowl.


  1. Are you paying more than $5 / pack of cigs? I'm buying all my cigarettes from Duty Free Depot and this saves me over 60% from cigs.

  2. I got my first electronic cigarette kit at VistaVapors, and I enjoy it a lot.