Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Fat Britney Spears Loses Weight In The World Of Warcraft

Amorian The Warrior ambled through the Raven Hill Cemetery in Duskwood on the continent of Azeroth. This was Azeroth in the realm of Hyjal. Amorian was told that there was something very strange going on in the Raven Hill Cemetery, and there was a rush of characters to get there. Amorian, though, was never in so much of a rush to stop him from killing creatures. Amorian liked killing creatures. It was what he did, and the more creatures Amorian killed, the greater his skill level. Amorian was at level 47. This was good. But not good enough for Amorian.

After killing a plague spreader, a ghoulish looking grey creature, Amorian noticed that dozens of characters were running past him on the way to the Raven Hill Cemetery.

"What's going on at Raven Hill?" asked Amorian of Googan, a Mage.

"They say Britney Spears is in Raven Hill," said Googan, as he rushed off.

"Britney Spears?" said Amorian to himself. I guess Googan must mean a character named Britney Spears. Or is Britney Spears playing a character. That would be cool, Britney playing Warcraft. Amorian now was interested and started to run.

When Amorian finally arrived at the Raven Hill Cemetery, there was a huge crowd of characters, from warriors to mages and shamans to rouges as well as what looked like hundreds of druids.
Amorian pushed through the crowd, but did so in a manner that was respectful of the horde. When he got to the middle he saw what everyone was talking about. Surrounded by the crowd was a gorgeous blond human and her name was Britneyspears. Britneyspears' blond hair was flowing, and she carried a sword and had a choker around her neck with a band in her hair. She was tall and thin, a body like Madonna’s, just with fewer wrinkles.

"That's not the real Britney Spears," said Amorian to Ceeceelia, a female rogue standing next to him.
"Yes it is. Britney is making a special Warcraft appearance. She apparently has been playing the game and eating chocolates for the past nine months and has decided to do a concert.

"What? A concert here, on Warcraft?" asked Amorian.

"Well, she can't do a concert in real life. She's fat and pregnant and stuffing her face with Twinkies and cigarettes and has lost her voice and her stage presence. So she is doing it here," said Ceeceelia.

"Oh. I guess that's cool," said Amorian.

'Yeah, if you can't get a life together on Earth, you do it on Warcraft," said Ceevceelia.

"Warcraft is on Earth," said Amorian, a little peeved that Ceeceelia might have implied that he too did not have a life.

"I'm not saying you and I don't have lives. I'm saying this bitch has betrayed her true self on Earth, her trailer-trash self, but here on Warcraft she can be beautiful and sing using the program they apparently created for her," said Ceeceelia.

"Cool," said Amorian. Amorian wondered whether Ceeceelia was also fat. She looked damn good here in the Raven Hill Cemetery.

Suddenly, without any announcement, Britneyspears started to sing. And it was quite a pretty voice. All the characters started to cheer. Amorian though just listened. He thought of the real Britney Spears sitting at a computer somewhere, pecking away at a keyboard, a box of Krispy Kreme donuts next to her, possibly a donut in her mouth, chewing, drinking a beer, a cigarette burning in an ashtray, but singing a song, a pretty song in the realm of Hyjal on the continent of Azeroth in Duskwood at the Raven Hill Cemetery.

No comments:

Post a Comment