Saturday, February 27, 2010

Hillary and The Red Phone


               The CAMERA is above the level of a large king size bed.  BILL
               CLINTON is asleep in the bed.  In the background is the door
               to the bedroom.  HILLARY CLINTON appears wearing a nightgown.
               She leans against the door jam dangling pink panties from her
               index finger.

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                         Bill...Bill...Bill wake up.

                                   BILL CLINTON
                         What...hey...what time is it?

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                         What is this?

                                   BILL CLINTON

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                             (referring to the pink
                         This.  I found them in your pants.

               We start to HEAR a telephone ring.  The ringing continues
               throughout the scene.

                                   BILL CLINTON
                         What were you doing in my pants?

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                         I want to know where this came

                                   BILL CLINTON
                         Maybe they're yours?

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                         Cut the crap Bill.  I don't need a
                         scandal during my administration,

                                   BILL CLINTON
                         Hey...isn't that the hotline

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                         So who is it?  Is she on my staff?
                         One of my interns?

                                   BILL CLINTON
                         Sweetheart, you really should get

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                             (screaming over her
                         Would somebody get that? (back to
                         Bill)  So who is the little bitch?

                                   BILL CLINTON
                         Really, I don't know...maybe it was
                         left over from, you know...

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                         It's a new pair of pants.  It's not
                         left over from anything.

                                   BILL CLINTON
                         You really have to get that phone,

                                   HILLARY CLINTON
                         Would somebody get the goddamn
                         phone for chrissake.  (back to Bill
                         and screaming)  Now I am not
                         dicking around, you hear me.  Where
                         the hell did these panties come?
                         Give me a straight answer.  And I
                         want to know her name.

                                                       CUT TO:

               INT.  RED PHONE ROOM

               A CLOSE SHOT of the red phone.  A hand enters the frame.  The
               receiver is raised to the back of a male head.  It is BARACK

                                   BARACK OBAMA
                         I'm here.

               FREEZE FRAME.  And then...

                                   BARACK OBAMA (CONT'D)
                             (voice over)
                         This ad has been approved by me,
                         Barack Obama.

                                                       THE END.

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