The following is a transcript of a cell phone conversation between Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie recorded on Saturday evening on August 26, 2006. The conversation was recorded to a computer hard drive that was cabled to a ham radio calibrated for cell phone frequencies. The calibration is illegal, so the ham radio operator refused to provide the actual audio. But Parodical was able to listen, and we rendered the audio to a written transcript. The audio was short, and cut off at places, but we transcribed to the best of our ability. Here it is:
Nicole: It’s not right, Paris.
Paris: You are not well, Nicole.
Nicole: That is as much my show as yours.
Paris: I want to re-cast it. I am thinking about Tara Reid.
Nicole: Tara Reid. That fat bitch.
Paris: I don’t want to talk about it.
Nicole: Tara Reid. She is a drunk. A fucking pig. You want someone fat so you can look good.
Paris: I have to go. Besides, Tara is not that fat.
Nicole: She’s a drunk. She’s always drunk. She’s like always slurring her words. She is embarrassing.
Paris: It’s a problem. But it’s her problem. She won’t be drinking on the set.
Nicole: I heard Tara Reid walks around with rum in her diet coke bottles.
Paris: Look, can I go? I have to go.
Nicole: Really, Paris, please. Listen. Please listen to me. I can do the show. People want to see me.
Paris: There is not much left of you to see, Nikki.
Nicole: But Tara Reid. She’s a nobody. An empty-headed party girl.
Paris: Oh, and like you are some Ivy League graduate.
Nicole: I don’t pretend to be something I am not, Paris. Tara Reid thinks she is an actress, which is a big fat fucking joke.
Paris: OK, you’re getting nasty. I am going.
Nicole: No. No.
The cell phone conversation ended there.