Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Kate Moss Teaches Naomi Campbell A Lesson

Kate Moss stood in the center of the gymnasium floor. The parallel bars were to her left, the uneven bars behind, the gymnastic horse to her right. She stood on a large red mat wearing black boxing shorts and a lose fitting sleeveless shirt. At the end of each arm, on each hand, Kate wore large black leather boxing gloves. To her left stood Stephanie.

"I need a cigarette," said Kate.

Stephanie pulls out a pack of Merit Ultra Lights from the canvas bag on the floor, together with a Bic lighter. She takes a cigarette out and offers it to Kate.

"How am I going to smoke with these gloves on. Put it in my mouth and light it," said Kate somewhat derisively.

"Oh, yes," said Stephanie as she placed the cigarette in the corner of Kate's mouth and lit it, whereupon Kate took a very deep breath, emitting the smoke out of the other corner of her mouth. She took another breath, and then another, sucking the cigarette down to almost its halfway point.

The gym was large, and there were a few curious employees of Cambridge University's Athletic Department standing back near the bleachers. A door opens and slams shut. In walks Naomi Campbell, alone, wearing blue boxing shorts and a tight red sleeveless shirt. She was barefoot, like Kate. Kate had the cigarette still in her mouth and Naomi walked up to her, face to face, on the mat. Naomi was holding a set of big red leather boxing gloves, which she proceeded to put on.
"You look stupid with that cigarette in your mouth," said Naomi.

Kate glances to Stephanie, who removes the cigarette. "Save it," said Kate. She looks back at Naomi. "Hey, I didn't know they made boxing gloves in a color. I like the red," said Kate as she admired the gloves.

"We are not here for fashion chat. We are here to toughen you up," said Naomi.

"Well, I am rehabilitating. So that is why I am curious about this program you have," said Kate.

"I didn't say it was a program. Did I say it was a program? This is just my way. I have my way of helping out frail desperate little nothings like you who get trashed by their lovers and who are in a downward spiral of self-destruction," said Naomi.

"OK," said Kate.

"It's about getting hit, like this,' said Naomi as she gently reached out her right arm and pecked Kate on the cheek. Kate's head snapped back, more so than Naomi thought it would.

"You got any muscles in your neck, girl?" said Naomi.

"You OK", said Stephanie to Kate.

"She's fine. You're fine, aren't you?" asked Naomi.

Kate stroked her cheek with her left boxing gloves. "Am I supposed to hit back," asked Kate.

"Thattagirl, you said it. Try," said Naomi.

Kate takes an anemic swing, missing Naomi’s face by several inches. Naomi responds with a hard swift left to Kate's right cheek sending Kate flying into the air flat on her back, lying on the red mat. Kate Moss's eyes rolled back into her head, and her skull shook with tremors. Her skinny arms were outstretched, tipped with her black leather boxing gloves, and her barefoot legs were twisted and tangled as only bones can do. She was unconscious, and Stephanie shreaked with horror as she watched Kate’s bony legs start to shake.

"Hey, what are you doing," asked Stephanie to Naomi Campbell as she rushed over to Kate Moss who's eyes were just emerging from being locked up into her lids. Stephanie leaned down over Kate who was blinking as if to clear her vision.

The shakes in Kate Moss’s legs had ceased, and it was good news that kate started to moan and spit up saliva that was oozing down from the corner of her mouth. Stephanie tapped Kate’s cheek and Kate’s eyes focused on Stephanie.

"You OK?" asked Stephanie as she cupped her hand under Kate's head.

"I think so" said Kate.

"This is ridiculous. We should just stop this right now. Naomi is a nutcase. She'll kill you," said Stephanie.

Kate starts to rise. "I'm OK. Really," said Kate.

Kate gets up.

"Okie dokie. Now you are learning. Now you are starting to feel what it is like to take a punch and get up and come back at me," said Naomi.

Kate is now on her feet. "I need the cigarette," Kate said to Stephanie, who placed the cigarette in her mouth. Kate took a deep inhale of smoke.

"Not a good thing. That is bullshit. That is a crutch. You should be coming at me. You've got to rely on you, not some bullshit crutch," said Naomi as she raised her fists and set herself to take a swing.

Kate had the cigarette in her mouth, her arms down at her sides, clearly not positioning to defend herself. She swayed a bit, still dizzy from the punch Naomi nailed on Kate's left cheek. Stephanie was cupping her hands almost entirely over her eyes, afraid to look.

"I'm going for you. And when I do, I will put you out, and you will form some scar tissue on your weak, limp character. I aim to build your character," said Naomi as she lunged forward with her right hand. At this very moment, Kate swayed unintentionally to her right and forward, and coughed and hacked real hard, accidentally but violently spitting, propelling the burning cigarette like a javelin, which landed on Naomi's left eye. Naomi fell back, grabbing her face.

"Ahh shit. Ahh shit. What did you do? What did you do?" screamed Naomi, who was now walking away from Kate. "Get me a medic. Hey, you fuckheads, don't just stand there, get me a medic," yelled Naomi at the Cambridge University employees who were still watching from the bleachers.
Kate was just now somewhat recovering from Naomi's blow to the head.

"What happened?" asked Kate.

"You spit your cigarette into Naomi's face," said Stephanie.

"I did? Jeez. That's ain't good," said Kate. "Give me another one," asked Kate.

"Maybe we should get out of here," said Stephanie.

"Naomi is right. I do feel a little tougher. Give me another one," insisted Kate.

Stephanie placed another cigarette into Kate's mouth and lit it for her. She inhaled, and let the smoke out through her nostrils.

"I feel stronger. Can you apologize to Naomi for me? We models need to stick up for each other," said Kate as she started to walk in a wobbly fashion off the red mat, almost trance like.

"Yeah. Sure," said Stephanie as she picked up the canvas bag. Stephanie moved quickly to Kate’s side and grabbed her arm to make certain Kate did not fall.

“It feels good to be on the road of rehabilitation,” said Kate.

“Yes, Kate. It’s a good road to be on,” said Stephanie.

“So that was my workout for today. Tonight I can relax a little,” said Kate as she inhaled and exhaled, inhaled and exhaled the light blue smoke of the Merit Ultra Light cigarette. “I hate these cigarettes. They have no punch. It’s like breathing air. Give me something that I can feel,” said Kate as she spit the Merit cigarette onto the gym floor.

1 comment:

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