Saturday, September 11, 2004

Lindsay Lohan And Her Mother Smoking Cigarettes In Their Underwear

Lindsay Lohan sat in her underwear in Bungalow 11 at the Chateau Marmont. The undergarments were white, and one bra strap was off her shoulder. She had not showered in the last 24 hours. Lindsay was on her fourth Marlboro Light cigarette and it was only 9:45 in the morning. She had awoken at 7:33, which was typical for her since the night was spent largely drinking champagne and wine at three different clubs in west Los Angeles. This is not to mention the pack and a half of cigarettes she smoked plus the one joint. Lindsay did not have a headache, but she felt woozy and tired. Not the kind of 'tired' that permits sleep; the kind that represents a weary body, one whose chemistry has been taxed. Though she knew on some level that the Marlboros she was sucking on this morning were not helping, she had also convinced herself that the nicotine might shore up her body and get her feeling normal again.
Lindsay was glad that she did not have to go to the Georgia Rule movie set today. She just could not deal with the pressure of the crew, the director, the producers, the actors, and the fact that everyone was watching her, seeing if she could deliver a good performance notwithstanding the hard partying. So far so good, Lindsay thought. Everyday she gave them what they wanted. She felt it. It felt good. But it was also hard at times, and she needed to relax at night to clear out her system. Well, OK, maybe not clear out her system, but fill her system with alcohol, tobacco and marijuana. The nights altered her mood and revived her spirit while she was partying. It felt so good during the night even though the mornings were like having your brain soaked in maple syrup.
Lindsay hung her head low while she sat on the edge of the bed. Her breasts felt heavy. In fact, everything felt heavy. The alcohol bloated her in the morning, forcing her to starve all day to get back that weightless feeling she so craved. She looked down and saw three cigarette butts she had dropped on the floor. Jeez, had she just dropped them on the floor like that? How irresponsible. Lindsay smiled and then rubbed her head.
Dina Lohan, Lindsay's mother, walked out of the bathroom. Dina was also wearing white undergarments. Like mother, like daughter. Dina had a pink towel in her hand with the Chateau Marmont logo embroidered on each end. Dina was drying her hair from the shower she just took.
"You OK?" asked Dina of her daughter.


"Lindsay, I am talking to you. Are you OK?" asked Dina of her daughter, Lindsay Lohan.
"What? I'm sorry. What did you say?" said Lindsay as she put a cigarette in her mouth and sucked hard and deep.
"I said are you OK?" said Dina.
"Yeah. Why?" said Lindsay.
"Because you don't look well," said Dina.
"I'm fine," said Lindsay.
"You should not be smoking this early," said Dina.
"Leave me alone, Mom," said Lindsay.
Dina reaches over to Lindsay and pulls the Marlboro Light cigarette out of Lindsay's mouth.
"What the—" said Lindsay.
Dina places the cigarette in her own mouth and sucks the smoke into her own lungs.
"I'm sharing," said Dina.
"I don't need your shit right now, Mom," said Lindsay.
"My shit? I'm trying to connect," said Dina.
Lindsay reached down into the small cocktail purse on the floor and pulled out a crushed pack of Marlboros. There was one bent cigarette remaining, which she removed and placed in her mouth. Lindsay had a Bic lighter permanently attached to her left hand, which she used to light the bent cigarette.
"So the Brits dropped your record deal. And now we are being sued by these other vulture-bastards. Sorry about the deposition you have to go to," said Dina.
"I'm not going. I can't deal with that right now. Is the air conditioning working? It's fucking hot in here," said Lindsay as she totally removed her bra to air out her breasts. Lindsay through the bra down onto the floor next to her cigarette butts.
"It's working. It is just like, what, 105 outside," said Dina.
"Do you have those sleeping pills?" asked Lindsay.
"Yeah. But you should get up and move around. Get some exercise," said Dina as she continued to puff on the cigarette she pulled out of her daughter's mouth.
"Mom, would you stop with the lectures already. I just need to sleep. I can sleep today," said Lindsay.
"And so what are you going to do tonight, party again?" asked Dina.
"Jesus. You don't stop, do you. I thought you were on my side," said Lindsay.
"I am on your side. But I just think that staying up all night doing what you do, and then taking sleeping pills so you can sleep through the day so you can stay up all night again is not good for your health," said Dina.
"Like you know anything about what's good for my health," said Lindsay. Lindsay flicked her half-smoked cigarette at her mother which missed her by inches.
"Hey. What did you do that for?" said Dina.
"I'm just joking. Get me those sleeping pills. Now, Mom," said Lindsay.
Lindsay lied back on the bed, her bare legs dangling off the end. As she fell back, her ample breasts flopped around and settled to her sides. Dina was about to search for the sleeping pills when she noticed that Lindsay's mouth was open. Lindsay was fast asleep and snoring quite loudly. Lindsay had always snored, ever since she was a child, but the snoring had gotten louder in the last few years. It didn’t matter. Better snoring than drinking and smoking joints. Good, thought Dina. Her daughter will sleep naturally, without the aid of drugs. Dina smiled. Lindsay Lohan would have a healthy day.

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